Remarkably, in some places in the world, rivers carry the same rights and protections as legal persons. They don’t have to worry about tomato soup in their waters, because they are recognized as natural entities with legal personhood. Legal personhood is a vague construct that assigns legal status. In what is dubbed the Orthodox View, having legal personhood could entail three subsets: the holding of rights and duties, rights or duties, or a bundle of rights and duties, with scholars supporting each divergent subset. This discussion betrays the uncertainty of assigning legal status.